I'm back from Africa and here's some pics....

Swaziland Landscape

(I lived here! Beauty of surroundings contrasted by such disease,

poverty, and death among the people)

Christmas time in Africa

(nurse Jane from UK and I)

Beautiful children, orphaned, and living in hospital

(I miss them!!!)

Kids at an area homestead- excited to see a car!

(and therefore wanted their pic taken:)

Kids (orphaned) being cared for by the ministry I'm serving under

It's been AWHILE since I've posted updates. God has been at work in my life and many things have happened! Including:

- After much prayer I left my counseling position to pursue missions work in Africa - Went on a 5 month mission trip to Swaziland, Africa, arriving back to U.S. at the end of Jan. 09

- During my time in Swaziland, God confirmed His call for me to pursue long-term missions work so I began the application process through AG World Missions...

- Was approved & commissioned as a Missionary Associate through AGWM

- Attended pre-field orientation week in Springfield, MO, met some new friends, & enjoyed some of the area (recommended) resteraunts - including the spinach cheese dip @ Cheddars

- Applied, interviewed, & was accepted into Regent University's online Masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling program (yea! to begin August 09)

- Began public speaking about Africa at various churches, classes, and groups- raising my support team of friends who will support me financially & through prayer as I return to Africa

- In between all this I worked for the US Census Bureau, attended Ohio District Council in May, went to support-raising seminar in Indiana, organized and held various fund-raisers, traveled to FL to spend time w/ family, and took my chemical dependency counseling licensure exam in Columbus

Bottom line is I've seen God at work in so many ways through His divine provision, guidance, peace in the midst of trials, and wisdom to make important life decisions. I know that this life is short and want to use the days I'm given to make a difference. "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

The joy of the Lord is my strength and I look forward to what the future holds as I pursue His call to bring His love to the nations.

A beautiful teenage girl @ our Pink Princess Party :)

(teaching them they are created, valued, and loved by God)

And the goodbyes began...

I've been hanging out with friends and family the last few days before I leave for Africa. I will be going on a 4 month mission trip to Swaziland and I know God is going to do amazing things! I leave tomorrow and fly to the other side of the world. It has been a interesting journey so far as I have recently left my job as a chemical dependency counselor to do this missions work and pray about the future. May God's love be shared with those in Swaziland. This is a bittersweet time of saying "goodbye" to loved ones yet I know there will be people I am to meet there. I will keep all of you in my prayers. I look forward to sharing with you the awesome things that happened while I was in Africa!
(You can all check updates at http://www.clcdayton.com/309020.ihtml)

"I love You, I love You, I love You, I love You, I love You, I love You and my heart will follow wholly after You..." My heart sings the words of this song this morning as I sit with the Lord during devotional time today. I have entered into a time of trial and of testing I believe where the Lord is preparing me for what is ahead. I have been extremely tired but I know the joy of the Lord is my strength. I'm blessed to have friends who support me and recently two of whom have encouraged me with phone conversations, words of wisdom, and one even dropping off Christian CDs at my house today! The Lord is faithful.

I'm at a unique God-making-decisions-for-me day-by-day time in my life. Summer Semester at Regent University started Monday and I've been praying for a miracle regarding provision for tuition. I was advised to submit a letter of petition to the school requesting assistance especially as I am planning to be involved with missions work in Africa. (I'll be discovering the outcome of this in the near future and I know the Lord speaks to us both by open and closed doors...) My heart continues to break for the people of Swaziland- including those affected by AIDS, poverty, sexual violence, and the little ones who are orphaned when their parents die from AIDS. The 1st construction team from our church went for 2 weeks and returned in the beginning of May as one of our sisters in Christ from the congregation is staying in Swazi for 3 months. You can check out the blog documenting the experiences there http://www.clcdayton.com/309020.ihtml. The 2nd team leaves next week and I'm excited to see what God accomplishes through them!
I'm on the 24th day through a 40 day devotional book A Call To Die by David Nasser and this has proven to be a unique experience of drawing closer to God. It's brought some truths to light and continues to encourage personal growth in my life. I'm thinking I may even go through this again sometime. I'm also reading The AIDS Crisis What We Can Do by Dortzbach and Long and I'm learning more than just info on AIDS around the world... I'm seeing how people can partner together to make a difference for those suffering from the pandemic. "Over forty million people today are living with HIV/AIDS. In 2005, three million people died of AIDS, and half a million of them were children. The reality is dark. But in darkness, even one small flame of light makes a difference. And the church of Jesus Christ is bringing light into the darkness of the AIDS crisis all over the world."

As I think about the purpose of life, my very ability to take my next breath I know God has a plan. He has a plan for each person and He clearly tells us that His greatest commandment is that we would love Him with all of our heart, all of our soul, all of our mind, and all of our strength (Matthew 22:35-40). Above all, am I doing this? Before my personal desires (fill in the blanks) do I place loving God? Does David's words in Psalm 63 describe my heart?

"O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you."

Psalm 63:1,3

Lord, may You adjust my priorities as You desire so that I might put You first in all I am and in all I do. This is your only rightful place. Every time I sit may You be at the head of the table and every time I stand may my focus be upon You. Create in me a pure heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Help me to remember that I can only love You because You loved me first. As I look upon Your sacrifice may I truly consider all things a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing You Lord. Whatever that means I must let go of or whichever of my own plans that means I must not follow I am willing to do. Have Your way. You are the Way. In Jesus' name. Amen.

So much has been going on. Let's see I went on the Emmaus Walk, a spiritual retreat where I experienced God's love in powerful ways, and it was absolutely amazing. God is very faithful. From that experience the Lord spoke into my heart; Christ gave His all for me- I must give my all to Him. Before the Emmaus Walk I traveled to VA Beach, VA and visited my school, Regent University. I knew this time was supposed to be a time of seeking the Lord and His will. I had planned (key words here- me planning) to sit in on a few counseling classes to check out this route. I'm currently working towards a Masters degree in English Bible and since I started at Regent I have thought I would obtain a joint Masters degree in Community Counseling as well. Well, God had other plans. He has been speaking to me about missions, loving Him with all I am, and loving others as myself. So, even though I had appointments to meet with a professor from the School of Divinity about missions and a professor from the School of Psychology and Counseling about counseling I only ended up speaking with the prof about missions. God is always at work and I believe He is telling me to focus on what He is calling me to do now. I put it all in His hands.

I have been facilitating a women's Bible study at church- Breaking Free by Beth Moore (available at http://www.lifeway.com/lwc/). The whole study is based on Isaiah 61:1-4. It lays out five benefits of our covenant relationship with God: to know God and believe Him, glorify God, find satisfaction in Him, experience God's peace, and enjoy His presence. If we as believers in Christ are not experiencing these to the fullest some corresponding obstacles (unbelief, pride, idolatry, prayerlessness, and legalism) may be standing in our way. May God continue to work out His perfect will in each life as He breaths freedom into hearts.

I just finished reading a great book, Spiritual Discipleship by J. Oswald Sanders. It discusses the absolute sacrifice that Christ asks of a true disciple. I am personally taking many things away from this short book including: depend on the Holy Spirit, trust God, the answer is Philippians 4:13, Jesus emphasizes that no one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God, living under Christ's lordship means doing what He says (Luke 6:46), and Christ is eternally worth any sacrifice I could ever make for His sake. "The key question that determines whether or not He has been given that place of authority in the life is 'Who makes the decisions?' " Also, the author quotes Robert Murray McCheyne "A glance at Christ will save, but it is the gazing at Christ that sanctifies." (p.76)

Lord, You are my Lord and Savior, my friend and Master. May You remain in Your rightful place in my life- on the throne eternally. Take control of every area of my life. I give you all of me. I withhold nothing from Your hand. You give and You take away. I submit to Your will and I ask You to indeed be my decision maker. Sanctify me, conforming me into the image of Jesus. May I be Your hands and feet to this world, sharing Your love with all who I come into contact with. In the precious name of Jesus. Amen.

God is with us. Even in the places of deep suffering and sorrow. He is there when we receive the heartbreaking news, when the tragedy hits, when we feel alone. He is there. He is here - even when you do not see, even when You do not know if the circumstance you are in will ever end or how to get through. He is the great "I AM". At church we are being led through the whole Bible and currently we are in Exodus. This is a response I wrote to the weekend's service...


Do You Hear?

They are crying
weeping, mourning
Tears overflowing
Hearts breaking
Day after day
Night
Oh the night
Darkness, emptiness, despair
Hopeless
They are alone
Lost, abandoned
Orphaned
Afraid, desperate
Do You hear them?
Everything in them screams "help!"
They are hungry
Without clothes
Without You
But You are there
You see
You know
You are
Promises of life
Hope for eternity
Strength for today
Love healing brokenness
Mercy meets sin
Power meets weakness
Faith overcomes fear
Where You are
Is here in their midst
You came to proclaim the Truth
Bring freedom
Oh rain down Your praise
Restore, renew
Release all in darkness
Display Your glory among the nations
Through Your servants

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." ~ 2 Corinthians 3:18
I was reminded recently that as believers in Christ we are being changed into the image of Christ. God is always at work - even through our trials, our circumstances, our feelings, and even when we cannot see. He is at work, shaping us and conforming us. His faithfulness reaches to the skies (Ps. 36:5). Who is doing this awesome work in us and Who is it that is transforming us? The Holy Spirit! We know from God's Word that the fruit of the Spirit or what the Holy Spirit brings forth is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Gal. 5:22-23). How perfectly Jesus Christ displays this fruit! May we follow His perfect example into this new year 2008. I am not always the perfect example for others and yes I do make mistakes. Thankfully others do not need to ultimately follow my example, but that of the Lord Jesus.
May we always point to Christ with our lives and out actions so that we may direct others to the truth of the Gospel. St. Francis of Assisi once said, “Go out and preach the Gospel, and if you have to, use words.” The awesome thing is that in light of 2 Corinthians 3:18 we are "being transformed into his likeness", the likeness of Christ, so this very truth means we are reflecting the Lord's glory more and more. As the Lord makes Himself more evident in our lives, our lives will make Him more evident. Praise God!

God is good. He continues to reveal His love to His children every day, every moment. As this year is coming to an end I have been reflecting on what the Lord has done this year. Myself and a few others will be sharing testimonies on New Year's Eve at my house before going to a concert featuring a local Christian band. The Lord has done many things this year. A passion for missions has been truly ignited in my heart this year. I went on my first overseas mission trip this summer to El Salvador and was blown away by what the Lord did in and through our team and the lives of the people we were blessed to meet. God healed, saved, restored. He is always at work - even when we cannot see. In the summer of 2005 during a time of great grief the Lord laid on my heart a desire to go to Africa for ministry in some way. He is continuing to grow this passion. I have been and will be reading some books on missions. It's encouraging, motivating and inspiring to hear from others who experience some of the same heartbeats of God for loving the world for Christ.

A passage of Scripture, Matthew 25:31-46, has began to permeate my heart. A portion of this reads: "'Come you who are blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink; I was a stranger and you invited me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.'
Then, the righteous will answer Him, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? When did we see you sick, or in prison, and come to You?'
The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly, I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of the least of these brothers of mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.' "25:34-40

Do we, do I and do you, see Jesus in those around us? He is there. How are we serving Him? If you are like me this question is somehow so overwhelming yet incredibly right and satisfying. Perhaps because in this is an amazing amount of our purpose here on earth. Truly, how am I spending my life, my every breath? Is it in a way that brings glory to God and love to people?

The Lord is truly at work all over the world! The team from my church who traveled to Swaziland, Africa shared about their experiences. Let me just say I do not think the Lord is going to leave me alone regarding His heart for these people. They are in need and I am a member of the body of Christ. I must act. Every 14 seconds a child is orphaned by AIDS. Every day 6,000 children are orphaned by AIDS. Over 2700 children in the world die a day from hunger. This is heartbreaking, sickening, and almost difficult to hear. Really, though, shouldn't it be more difficult to hear and not act? I am asking myself along with the body of Christ. AIDS is a huge crisis and killing millions of people every year. The team shared about visiting the best hospital in the country of Swaziland and seeing horrible conditions. 70% of the patients admitted into the hospital are HIV positive and when a person reaches the final stages of AIDS they are released from the hospital and sent home to die without medications. The team also described many, many young children were everywhere. There were pictures of children taking care of children. They are in desperate need of the Lord. If you are 15 years old in Swaziland you have a 1 in 10 chance of living to the age of 35 due to AIDS. People project that Swaziland will be extinct in 20 to 40 years due to the high death rate. It is currently 43% of adults there that have HIV or AIDS. This is the highest infection rate in the world. All this in a little country at "the ends of the earth" (Acts 1:8) from myself here in the U.S.

My senior pastor spoke today about this verse and how Jesus does not make it optional to go to the ends of the earth. He did not say "you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem or in all Judea or Samaria or to the ends of the earth." No, actually Jesus our Savior and Lord proclaimed: "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."My heart aches to share the love of Christ with those around the world who are suffering and in pain, especially those facing death or dealing with grief. I cannot say I have ever lived in the conditions that these people have or been orphaned by AIDS but I have felt that same feeling of pain. I have experienced loss. I have been lost without a purpose. I have felt empty and hopeless. The Lord has made all the difference. He filled me with hope and joy. He has given me purpose and filled me with His Spirit. He has released healing into my life and throughout everything He has never left me or forsaken me. He continues to give me strength as I trust Him day by day.

He is here today and forever. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. His name is matchless. No one and nothing can compare to Him. Jesus alone deserves all of our lives, our every breath. As the day of Christ's birth approaches may we remember His love for all the world and may we remember those who are lost and without hope. Pastor said it this way- I am thankful that those first Christians did not have the attitude that there was enough need where they were and they did not need to go "to the ends of the earth" because we would not have our salvation today if a Christ follower had not decided to make the trip across the ocean to bring us the only true Hope. Praise God for the obedience of godly men and women all over the world!

Lord, as we celebrate this season of your birth may our hearts receive Your love for Your people all over the world. You came to this earth to save the WORLD- not just me and people who look like me. Lord may our hearts break over what breaks Yours. Show us what You would have us to do to be Your hands and feet to a world in need. May You receive the glory that You are due. I ask in Jesus' name. Amen.

I must share that I am soooo excited about hearing this weekend at church what God did while a small team of people from our church went to Swaziland, Africa for the 1st time on December 3-12, 2007. Swaziland is a small country located in South Africa between Mozambique and South Africa and the country is slightly smaller than the state of New Jersey. The main focus of the trip was seeking God to find how He can use our church in this country which has the highest death rate from AIDS. Swaziland recently surpassed Botswana as the country with the world's highest known rates of HIV/AIDS infection. In 2005 an estimated 33% of Swaziland adults age 15-49 were living with HIV/AIDS infection and in 2007 this has climbed to almost 40% of the population being infected by AIDS. I cannot even imagine this. One thing I know is that the Lord has laid this burden on my heart for people who are going through extreme trials. There is suffering, deep need, and extreme poverty going on in different parts of the "nations" we are to reach as Christians according to the Great Commission in Matthew 28:18-20.

I am sure the Lord will continue to speak to me about His heart for these people and want part he desires for me to have in serving them. The mission team shares this weekend about their experience and about any leadings from the Holy Spirit about how we as a congregation might minister to the people of Swaziland. I can hardly wait and I am praying for open hearts for all of us. I am reminded of a verse in James "Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has passed the test, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him." (1:12)

Lord, may You be ever so near to those in Swaziland and all over the world who are suffering and may You wrap Your comfort around them in this very day. Lord reveal to them Your perfect peace that is in Christ and give them strength to pass the test. We know You will then meet them with the crown of life in Heaven. Praise You Lord who are most worthy of all of our praise and with every breath may we bring You glory forever. We ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.

I have been attending a class called Healing Stream which is described as "a powerful, interactive series that will help Christians overcome their past and experience healing within to become healthier followers of Christ through the Holy Spirit. You are sure to experience a new dimension of spiritual freedom through biblical teaching and anointed prayer time." As Christians we know that Scripture tells us we will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimony (Rev. 12:11). I will share with you some of what the Lord did in me during the past few weeks. He truly revealed to me in a new way that I am totally accepted and approved of by God in Christ. There is nothing I have to do to earn approval from God - or even myself or man for that matter- because through Christ's sacrifice I am forgiven for my sins (Eph. 1:7) and I am a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17). I think I thought I knew this truth. I did, but it was mainly a head knowledge. Now my heart knows that God not only accepted me in Christ initially at the point of my salvation but He is eternally accepting me by an act of His grace! How awesome and freeing this truth is! Ephesians 2:8-9 tells me "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is a gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast." You see nowhere else can we find this kind of full acceptance, unconditional love, and deep grace but in our Lord and Savior, Almighty God Himself. No person can offer this to you or me. We are only set free and healed through God's grace and power. Throughout the course of this class, sitting under the biblical teaching of the leader, and participating in anointed prayer times with members of the prayer team God has been able to set me free with His truth. An amazing thing has happened. I have been able to know a little more of the sweet "riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe" that Ephesians 1:18-19 speak about. I am more complete in Him.
Also, as a counselor I have received a more full spiritual understanding of the deception of the enemy Satan. God has given me a passion to speak truth into the lives of those in trials. I am to bring hope to the hopeless and I believe this class has better equipped me to fulfill God's calling for me life. Praise Him forevermore!

So, tonight I found myself reading in 1 Peter and some things blew me away. God's Word never ceases to amaze me... "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time." (1 Peter 1:3-5) In these verses alone there is such life-changing truth! From this we can see that God caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus for us to obtain an inheritance reserved in heaven for us. Our loving Heavenly Father has purposed for us to receive new life in Christ and He has reserved an inheritance in Heaven for us - an inheritance the Scripture says is "imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away." (1:4) What more could you or I ask for? Could an educational degree or a higher salary or a new car or even (dare I say) your most precious dream or goal ever even come close to comparing to this inheritance God has reserved for you and for me in Heaven? God promises us this and says it will not fade away. I don't know about you but I do not see many things here on earth that remain and do not fade away. Even our closest relationships with other people here on earth can be taken away in a moment's notice. Our best efforts to accomplish our greatest goal in life can fail. We can lose our job, lose our friends, lose our money, and even lose our sanity. Yet God remains. His love for you remains. His "living hope" remains. His "great mercy" remains. His inheritance - for those who put their trust in Jesus Christ- remains. Let us always remember this and walk with this in mind no matter what we face in this life on earth.
"Set your mind on the things above, not the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God." (Colossians 3:2-3)

God's Word contains many promises for His children. Today's sermon was a great reminder that with God's promise comes problems. In the beginning of the pages of Scripture we see God promising Abraham (then called "Abram") a son. Abraham tells God that since he has no son, one born in his household is his heir (Gen. 15:3). God then told Abraham " 'This man will not be your heir; but one who will come forth from your own body, he shall be your heir' " (3:4). God then does an amazing thing. He takes Abraham outside to look at the sky and see the multitudes of stars above telling Abraham his offspring shall be like these stars. God is asking him to dream. He is requesting Abraham to see the very promise of God as if it exists already- as the stars do. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Heb. 11:1). He is asking Abraham to trust Him and to obey Him. Previously God had also told Abraham to leave his country and go to a land God will show him (Gen 12:1-3).Again, God was requesting Abraham's trust and obedience. So, how did he respond? The Word says that Abraham went forth "as the Lord has spoken to him" (12:4).

What is God speaking to you about today? Or what has He promised you in the past that He desires to see come about in your lifetime? Have you given up hope? Take heart! Abraham faced many obstacles after receiving God's promise. He did not see in the physical realm how what God had promised could come to pass. He was told he would have his own son with Sarah, his wife, yet him and his wife were advanced in years. Could they really conceive at their ages? Also, Sarah had not had any children so far. Was she even able to have kids? A promised land... Well, then why was it inhabited? Abraham clearly had many questions and struggles. Many things in the physical realm, things he could tangibly see, seemed to be at odds with what God had said would be. Does this apply to you? Did God make a specific promise to you or do the promises found in His Word appear to be so contrary to what you see in your life or your job or your marriage or your schooling? Trust Him. He is eternally trustworthy. Obey Him. He desires every ounce of who you are and all the days of your life. This may seem like a pretty huge sacrifice to make. From what I can tell not one bit of it - no matter what the cost to go through it- will be wasted." 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for your welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope' " (Jer. 29:11). He has great things is store for you. Follow Abraham's example of trust and obedience and just wait to see what unfolds!

It's Christmas time! This year I am really about putting the "Christ" back into Christmas. I want to embrace that this time of year is a celebration of Jesus Christ's birth into the world. It is not about me, and it is not about presents or anyone else. I think that is so important to remember today. I have almost all of my shopping finished, and I am ready to relax and spend the holiday in a meaningful way this year. Family will be coming over on Christmas Eve to have dinner, exchange gifts, and hang out. I look forward to it. Tomorrow night is my work Christmas party for the group home I work in. This job and the opportunity I have had to get to know these girls who have various developmental disorders has been such a blessing to me. Their joy and their struggles encourage me and often times uplift me. I have been working on finishing my application essay for graduate schools tonight. I know it is nowhere near perfect, but I hope it works. I am sending the application packets off tomorrow. I know it will feel great to have that out of the way! I want to include the lyrics to this new song that really speaks of the gift God gives us through His Son - His grace which allows us to freely come to God anytime.

Only Grace
by Matthew West

There is no guilt here
There is no shame
No pointing fingers
There is no blame
What happened yesterday
has disappeared
The dirt has washed away
And now it's clear

There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy
And believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
There's nothing left now
There's only grace

You're starting over now
Under the sun
You're stepping forward now
A new life has begun
Your new life has begun

There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy
And believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
There's nothing left now
There's only grace

And if you should fall again
Get back up, get back up
Reach out and take my hand
Get back up, get back up
Get back up again
Get back up again

There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy
And believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
There's nothing left now
There's only grace

There's only mercy
And believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
There's nothing left now
There's only grace

So get back up, get back up again 

I am graduated from college on November 19th! Praise God. He alone got me here. He alone was my strength to complete my degree, and I pray He uses it for His glory. I am so excited about this time off from school I will have for a few months. I plan to begin graduate school in the Fall of 2006. I have many books I desire to read during this break, but most importantly I plan to spend a lot of my time in God's Word. A couple days after graduation I was up late one night and felt God calling me to read the entire Bible. So, I designed a reading plan to read the Bible in 6 months (not including the Minor Prophets). This past quarter in school I just completed a Biblical Prophets course in which we studied the Minor Prophets. It was great.
I find myself now wondering what to do with my time and at the same time how I can fit it all in. I've been sick for the past couple weeks. First, it started with cold and flu symptoms, and I went to the doctor a week later to find I had an ear infection. He put me on an antibiotic to treat the infection, but then as I finished taking the medicine I am now having a reaction to ending the medication much like a stomach flu. I have read that it's common after taking this specific antibiotic, but I may need to go back to the doctor if it continues in order to get treated. I God to get me through all of it. Reading His Word each day fills me with such hope and joy. I feel a contentment and a peace that's so wonderfully awesome.
I have started to read As Silver Refined by Kay Arthur which is an amazing book about learning to embrace life's disappointments. While emphasizing God's sovereignty the book teaches that our disappointments are His appointments. I am only through chapter 1 and find it inspiring. I desire to look at the trials in my life from God's perspective not from my perspective. God references many times in Scripture that He is refining us as silver. I think this analogy paints such a powerful picture of the process we go through as believers to become more like Christ. In Isaiah 48:10 we see that God tests us so as to refine us. He tests us in "the furnace of affliction". This process can be painful and it is all worth it. I believe that is the amazing part... that all the pain and trials we go through in life are all worth it if as a result we become more like Him, that He can see His reflection a little better in us.
A familar, beautiful song I love talks about choosing to listen to God's voice in all circumstances in life, especially in those circumstances that bring confusion, doubt, and fear. Sure, many voices are speaking to us, but are we listening to His?

Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

Chorus:
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

It's been a busy road to get me to the week before graduation... Our sermon series on Real Spiritual Power was absolutely awesome, and it is now over. Pastor Stan really touched on some powerful stuff about making sure we are aligned (Spirit, soul, and body - in that order) with his Holy Spirit. Then we discussed surrending all areas of our lives to God - I don't think I even need to (or could) say how powerful this was. It's really a matter of trust, and giving all your worries, fears, ect to God. They all belong to him anyway and Jesus Christ died on the cross in order for us to have life, and life more abundantly. All of our fears, sicknesses, problems were all conquered including death! All of this by God sending His only Son to die for us, something He had planned before the beginning of time. We later dealt with our words (what we speak to other people and to our selves). Proverbs 18:21 "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." The Bible also tells us in Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." The last week Pastor taught us about cleansing and not giving the devil a foothold in our lives (these can turn into strongholds in our lives). The awesome part of this is that we canbe confident that our strongholds can come down because of His Spirit living in us! Romans 8:37 "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." This is such incredible news, and I am just so thankful that God gives us the ability to not only get through our trials in life through His Spirit but also the ability to more than conquer. The truth of His Word really does give us such freedom and hope. "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32. Here the Word tells us that the truth (of Jesus Christ) sets us free. Recently I have been struggling with anxiety, and I know that the power I need to overcome this is within me - the Holy Spirit. I have been continuing to work n this and remember the truth of God's promises. I'll end with a wonderful Scripture verse I stumbled upon yesterday that brougt me such comfort. "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned or scorched, nor will the flame kindle upon you." Isaiah 43:2.

Sunday... my favorite day of the week. I volunteered in the nursery at church this morning, and had a blast. I love the kids, and they always end up being such a blessing to me. This morning was especially hectic and rewarding because we had so many children with two helpers (myself and another lady). For some kids it was there first time visiting our church, and we had 2 6-month-olds who were absolutely adorable. Both of them liked to be held, however, so it was a challenge to meet all of their needs. Thankfully we did end up receiving more help from a younger girl who had a desire to assist us with the little ones :) I just wanted to share some about my blessed morning. I arrived early awhile before service was scheduled to begin, and one little 1 1/2-year-old boy who I have known for awhile came running into the nursery holding a book that he seemed very proud of. I asked him what he brought in today, and I couldn't understand his answer so I asked him if he wanted me to read it to him. He quickly and excitedly answered "yes". As I grabbed the book I realized it was a Baby's Bible, and I began reading to the little boy about Adam and Eve. After I read about a new person he would repeat the names of those individuals when I prompted him to do so. When I got to the last page, however, and Jesus was introduced he immediately started shouting "Jesus! Jesus!" It was so awesome to see this little 1-year-boy so excited because he knew about Jesus. He had the biggest contagious smile as he pointed to the page with Jesus' picture on it. I know I am blessed to get the opportunity to help these children!
The Lord has really been speaking to me through a book I felt prompted to read this weekend. It is challenging me, humbling me, and teaching me about God's call for us to love the world. At the end of each chapter it asks me questions that you are supposed to answer before turning the page. These always hit home for me along with all the awesome stories of the many missionaries serving around the world. Many of these giving individuals are serving in dangerous, war-torn countries in which even basic medical care is essentially non-existent. They giving of their time, their resources, their lives, and mostly of their hearts to the millions of hurting people in our world today. Even so far in the book the many stories of these extraordinary missionaries and how God has called them to be His hands and feet have broken my heart. I am finding the reading of this book to be an emotional rollercoaster for me. It's as if God is taking each of the stories presented and speaking directly to me. I wanted to include an excert from Make A Difference: Responding to God's Call to Love the World that especially spoke to me. This scene takes place in Sarajevo, Bosnia where the author of this book, Melvin Cheatham meets a humble Bosnian neurosurgeon named Dr. Josip Jurisic...

"How can can he keep giving day after day?" I wondered. Then, a few days later, Dr. Josip amazed me with the answer. He reached in his wallet, took out a crinkled-up photograph ans said to me, 'This is me saying good-bye to my wife and small son as they were being evacuated from Sarajevo at the beginning of the war.' The photo showed Dr. Josip standing alongside the bus. His hand was on the outside of the bus window pressed against the outstretched hand of his young son on the inside of the bus, who in that moment wanted just one more time to touch his daddy. At that moment they were separated only by the thickness of the pane of glass, but it was a separation Dr. Josip realized might be for the rest of their lives. "My pregnant wife waved and my son waved and I waved,' he said. 'And that was it. The bus left. I watched until there was nothing left but a few whiffs of diesel exhaust, and they were gone. Then I went back inside the hospital and began caring for yet another patient, and another, then another.' Dr. Josip told me how after seeing his family safely sent away, he prayed God might protect his wife, small, son, and unborn baby, and then he said, 'My life is in Your hands. Please use me to care for the people who are being wounded in this terrible war.' I believe that as he looked into the eyes of his hurting patients, he saw the tears of his own wife and small son, and that prepared him to give his own life, if necesary, in order to bring help and hope to others. Out of his pain, Dr. Josip found a new compassion that says to another, 'I know what you're feeling. I know what it's like to hurt. By sharing what I have with you, God will turn my heartache into your blessing.' "
Immediately after reading this touching story I realized for real that God is calling me to use my story, my pain from Jeff's death in the same way. I love how in the story it states that after Dr. Josip watched his family being safely sent away, he prayed God would use him to help others. For me I know Jeff was safely taken away from this Earth in God's loving arms. God left me here on this Earth, however, for a reason - He still has much He desires for me to do here. I pray that God will give me the strength and the heart of Jesus to be able to fully live Dr. Josip's statement "By sharing what I have with you, God will turn my heartache into your blessing."

It's been quite awhile since I have written. Needless to say I have been busy in life. I am definately feeling the need to slow down and pay attention to the things that matter most in life. My last breath here on Earth could be tomorrow so I need to remember to live that way. I think of that and it brings up in me an ache for God. An ache to be with Him, closer to Him even now. Thanks to Jesus Christ's death on a cross people who believe in him will get to be with God for all eternity, dwelling in His Love, dancing with joy, and breathing deep of His unimaginable peace. I know that even when I stretch the depths of my imagination I still cannot grasp just what it will be like in Heaven. I do know I long to go there when my days here are up. I trust God that He has ordered my steps as His word says and ordained my days. On the topic of limited time here on Earth, have you thought about what you want to do with the rest of yours? Sure we have all thought about it, and thought about what we wanted to accomplish, where we wanted to travel or see, or who we wanted to be with or who we wanted to be like - but, have we really thought about what He desires for us to accomplish, the plans He wants us to fulfill, the places He wants us to travel, and who He wants us to be like? I know these are hard questions, and at the same time I know these are some of the most important questions we can ask ourselves. His plans for our lives are so much better than anything we could want for ourselves. A book I was reading today brought questions like these up to me today, and the author Melvin Cheatham asked me to answer these questions honestly to myself before turning the page:

~Do you want to make a difference by responding to God's call to love the world?
~Have I taken the time to be quiet and listen so I can hear God's voice?
~ How will I answer the question, "What have you done for Me, in the living of your life?"

That last question hit me hard. I know one day all of us will be in front of the Lord face to face and we must answer this question. What did I do for Him while I was on Earth? I thank God that as believers we do not need to worry about trying with our own might to explain away all our sin. No, by saying yes to Jesus we are allowing his blood to cover us too so that we are forgiven and permitted to dwell eternally in Heaven, a place we ourselves could not ever deserve on our own. We don't have to feel guilt, shame, or fear. With Jesus in our hearts we truly begin living. We were all created by Him and for Him alone, and when we live in this light we can truly feel complete. The truth of the matter is nothing else in this life can satisfy us except for the love of God. He made us that way! That we would find our purpose in Him. I am including this new song by Mercy Me, one of my favorite groups, which captures some of the very realizations that come when I find myself answering those questions mentioned above. The reality is that Jesus could come back to Earth at any time, my next breath could be my final breath. One thing is for sure - it will be in the blink of an eye. There will be no time to think about it, no time to change what I did or did not do here on Earth, no time to say "I am sorry" or "I love you", no further opportunity to ask for forgiveness or lead someone to Christ. The book of my life will be closed, and what can I tell God about what all the pages in between contained?

In the Blink of An Eye
by Mercy Me

You put me here for a reason
You have a mission for me
You knew my name and You called it
Long before I learned to breathe

Sometimes I feel disappointed
By the way I spend my time
How can I further Your kingdom
When I'm so wrapped up in mine

In a Blink of an eye that is when
I'll be closer to You than I've ever been
Time will fly, but until then
I'll embrace every moment I'm given
There's a reason I'm alive for a blink of an eye

And though I'm living a good life
Can my life be something great?
I have to answer the question
Before it's too late

Cause in a Blink of an eye that is when
I'll be closer to You than I've ever been
Time will fly, but until then
I'll embrace every moment I'm given
There's a reason I'm alive for a blink of an eye

If I give the very best of me
That becomes my legacy
So tell me what am I waiting for?
What am I waiting for?

In a Blink of an eye that is when
I'll be closer to You than I've ever been
Time will fly, but until then
I'll embrace every moment I'm given

In a Blink of an eye that is when
I'll be closer to You than I've ever been
Time will fly, but until then
I'll embrace every moment I'm given
There's a reason I'm alive for a blink of an eye

God has been doing such amazing things in my life, even or especially in the midst of this trial in my life. I feel such peace about Jeff, knowing that he has already made it to Heaven and that is a huge reason for rejoicing! I praise God for that! The Lord is helping me to see that the single most important thing in this life here on earth is getting your name written in the Book of Life. This book contains the names of those who accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior by admitting that we are sinners who can do nothing to redeem ourselves in the eyes of God except by accepting the sacrifice Jesus made for us by dying on a cross for our sins. At this moment our eternal destination is forever changed. Having been destined for eternity in Hell, by the blood of Jesus we are promised eternity in God's presence in Heaven. We cannot earn this. There is nothing we could ever do to get to Heaven on our own. It is only through accepting Jesus Christ as Lord of our lives.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ~ John 3:16
The Book of Life, then, is of upmost importance. In the last book of the Bible, we see that
If anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire. ~Revelation 20:15
There is no decision in life which is more critical than your decision about Jesus Christ. By not accepting him as Lord and Savior we are denying him. By asking for God's forgiveness for our sins and accepting Jesus and the death he suffered and died for us we inherit his glorious kingdom, the Kingdom of Heaven in which
However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" - but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. ~1Corinithians 2:9
It is by taking this beautiful leap of faith, and trusting in God who sent His only Son to die for you that you truly are given meaning and purpose and a never-ending love in which you will forever grow deeper in for all of eternity. Jesus brings the greatest hope of all into our hearts and into our lives by saving us and forever loving us, reconciling us with God the Father.
A great nugget of truth to ponder on:
Neither height not depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~ Romans 8:39

I came across this piece I wrote awhile back which was inspired during my quiet time with God. It came to me in the form of questions, so this is how I quickly wrote it...

Unworthiness- evermore reason why we need Jesus. None of us measure up, we can not measure up. Allow Jesus to save you, accept the sacrifice he made for you. I know you do not want to settle for something less than God's plan (that makes sense and is smart).
What if God's plan was forus to realize Him and see it is all about Him and purpose is given or found in us becoming more like Him?
What if no matter what or who the journey pairs us with or connects us to, it is suppossed to be realized or found by trusting in Him and becoming who He wants us to be?
What if this affects all other parts of our lives? (It would make sense, wouldn't it since accepting Jesus as Savior and believing in God changes our outlook on everything and really does change our lives)
What if everything else can only be made whole or complete in our lives when we are dedicated to becoming who He wants us to be?
What if it can only occur by understanding those things God has foremost called us to?
What if that is the reason Christian marriages in which both partners are believers sometimes still fail?
What if it is due to OURSELVES?
What if by us focusing on ourselves and our goals for the future (future career, future school, degree, or relationship) we bypass what God has for us in the here and now?
What if our purpose is already there, in front of us, left unrealized?
What if it is not a matter of a new job or a new mate that will lead us to our purpose?
What if it's simply our lack of understanding that keeps us blind to seeing the purpose that already surrounds us?
What if we will remain this way, praying and not realizing we already hold the answer?
What if instead of thinking something is not right so it must be the situation we stopped to think it may be ourselves? (What if it is us who is not right?)
Do we need to ask for forgiveness for blaming everything else but ourselves?
Do we find ourselves with many excuses for our behavior? (not truly apologizing)
What if God already provided all we need to experience our purpose in life and we keep ourselves blind to it and apart from it due to our failure to ask Him to forgive us of all our mistakes and to make us more like Him?
What if we keep asking "God, who is the person you want me to marry?" "God, where do you want me to live?" when all God wants to hear is "God, WHO do you want me to be?"
What if by us becoming more and more like this person He called us to be (more like Jesus) our eyes opened to the meaning surrounding us?


After running across that piece I wanted to put it on here. I think it's powerful. I am off to do more studying and hopefully get outside on this gorgeous day!