OK, it seems like it has been a long time since I wrote in here, but time is strange to me altogether anyways. I was up last night chatting with some Christians I met online, and it was comforting. It gives me such joy to share my love for God with someone. One 18-yr-old guy was telling me how he got saved less than a year ago. His life before that was filled with drugs and violence he said. God saved him from that life and now he is in love with his savior Jesus. I praise God for him and pray he blesses his life and works through this young man. Such potential for Christ people have, it is whether or not we use it that matters, whether or not we recognize that this life is not about ourselves - it is all about him. He created us and sent his only son to die on a cross for our sins so that we would not perish but have everlasting life. How awesome is that. I hope to watch Passion of the Christ again really soon. I thought it would be good to remind myself the price Jesus paid for me. Why he loves me this much I do not know. I know I do not deserve any of it, but I love him right back for it. Just when I find myself getting overwhelmed or upset in my life right now I remember God and His promises to us. He says he will never leave us or forsake us. He has told us in his word that he planned unique purposes for our lives before we were born; he shaped our hearts. I know he is teaching me things day by day. He's giving me what I need and it is more than I could ever ask for. Sending my boyfriend into my life was more than I could ever ask for. How much he must love me for doing that. It's just amazing - getting to experience God's love through another person that you love is just indescribable. I think that is the crucial factor for true love - God's love. I believe it cannot be complete without first coming from HIm. So, I guess then I should continue to seek him in order to be filled up with his love, enough to spill over for others. I know I need more and more of his love every day. I will forever seek him.

Ok, I have made it to now, whatever now is. Anyways, I have been thinking about the concept of time. It remains controversial if time exists in Heaven, or if it exists in the same form we experience it here on Earth. Many believe God is outside of time and space, although He can operate inside of it. He does so in part to communicate to us. In a religion course I took last quarter at my secular university I had to answer an essay question about the purpose of time. Believing that God operates outside of time, I think God may use time as a form of communication to us, His creatures. He may desire for us to understand that we only have a limited amount of "time" here. It may be an obvious way for us to see that we were created to have a "time" here on Earth and then leave this behind for our eternal home. It may be neccessary for us to have this contraint in order to begin to understand God's bigger purpose. Also, God created all things, and they all have purposes. Time is not an excepion. Although we do not know the reasoning exactly, we must keep remembering that we truly only do have a limited amount of days on Earth as He has numbered our days and ordered our steps. Praise God that when our days our up we get to spend eternity with Him and loved ones in the Lord who have gone before us. I am sure they already got the party started for us up there. I can't wait!

I decided to start a blog to write down my thoughts and prayers after losing my boyfriend. We had been talking about marriage for quite awhile. He passed away unexpectedly (not that anyone truly ever expects it) less than a month ago. I prefer to say that he moved to Heaven which is the truth of the matter. I miss him desperately and know I will see him again just as soon as I fulfill my purpose here on Earth. I am praying that it not be a second longer than that. My Pastor helped me see that God has difficult decisions to make. He had to decide whether to give me my boyfriend for the time period He did or not at all. Thank God that He decided to let me have him in my life for the time He did. I will praise God each day of my life for that because it was and is a tremendous blessing. I had already been going to school to become a counselor, and I didn't know what population I wanted to focus on. I love the elderly, and I hope to help people deal with crisis situations, including death. I trust God will lead me wherever I go as He has ordered my steps and my days have been ordained.