I returned from Virginia Beach late Thursday night. I absolutely love it there.... very beautiful. Then again, I think the ocean basically anywhere is amazingly beautiful. There are some creations in nature that illustrate God's hand at work and the ocean is definately one of them! The trip brought out many different aspects of what I feel God is teaching me at this time. I know many more are there but just not clear at this time. In fact, the ones I am aware of are not fully clarified. I know one of the things I am learning is that His Spirit lives inside us as believers and it has the power to change us. I knew this previously, but I did not understand the changes the Spirit can make in my life. I feel as I grow closer to God and allow the Spirit to take over more of me (or be more dominant in and through me) I not only experience such amazing peace, but I have contentment. I'm truly seeing how this makes all the difference. I can be in a million places, and I can be alone or surrounded, comfortable or in need and I know that I can make it through anything with Him who lives in the inside of me. He gives me this ability. So, there were different experiences on this vacation that I could almost view as small tests. Different occurences that would normally ruin my time seemed easier to overlook, and I was more able by the power of God to see the good, to see Him in it all. I know He is ever working in my life. I know that there is not a day or an hour that He has overlooked me. I do not want there to be a day or an hour in which I overlook Him! It is so comforting that no matter where I go or what I am doing no one can take Him away from me. He will never leave me or forsake me. Also, a large part of what I am taking away from this trip is the powerfulness of God. The visits to the ocean contained so many things that allowed me to see the magnitude of God and how small I am in comparison to all of eternity. It truly makes me think what that wonderful contemporary song by Casting Crowns says....Who Am I?
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're
Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours
If I could choose a song that sums up what I am taking away from this trip, then this would be it. I just love it. I am merely a wave tossed in the ocean... and yet God loves me so much. He has a special, unique plan for my life, and a place for me with Him for all eternity. This truth completely fills me. There is nothing else I could possibly want more. He just continues to amaze me with His love and with His grace everday. Watching the sunrise on the beach the last day we were there left me in awe of God. Such beauty He brings. He creates things that move me like nothing else can. The sky is truly His painting, His masterpiece of art. It makes me think that I can only imagine what lies on the other side of the sky. I have read C.S. Lewis's statement that Heaven is to Earth like a flower is to its root, not as the original is to its copy. How amazing this is that Heaven is an extension to Earth and yet it contains things of God we can only imagine. I long to be dwelling in His house truly forever. Also before and during this trip I have been coming to understand the importance of surrendering all areas of my life to God. I am learning how freeing this is! It is great to allow Him to work in everything, to just hand everything over to Him. I know that is where it all belongs. It just feels so right and truly gives me such freedom to know that He is there waiting for me to do just that. He wants me to give it all back to Him, place it all back in His hands. Besides, that is where it all came from anyway. I have such joy in my heart that He cares that much for me and the details of my life. I know that He is drawing me closer to Him each and every day and there is nothing I desire more. I know that His love I can only begin to understand... I feel like my mind cannot quite ever completely grasp it. When I think about placing things in God's hands it brings to my mind that I prayed for Jeff so frequently while we were together on Earth. I think about how I would tell God that Jeff was His child first before he was anything to me or to anyone and that I just places him back over into His hands. I know I need to do this now again. After all, that is just where Jeff is... resting in the hands of God, dancing with the angels. How I long to be that close to God. I know Jeff is more than good in his eternal dwelling place. He is where he belongs with who he belongs. My heart aches yet it also rejoices for him as he has made it there. I am so happy for him. That is one thing I know cannot be contained to words. I pray that our wonderfully amazing God continues to ever so gently and radically shape my beliefs and outlooks on Jeff's death, and that He continues to soften my heart to the needs of others around me, that he would tune me into Him above all and the work He wants to do in and through me, and I pray that I am able to particiapte in the grief share class at my church if it is God's will for me to do so, I pray He continues to use Jeff's move to Heaven to bring me closer to Him and that He continues to transform my heart, that He shape my heart to be more and more like Jesus's heart everyday. I praise God with every ounce of my being for His love which gives me the very life inside of me.
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