My mind is filled with many thoughts and I smile thinking how amazing is the One who created all of this. I went on a beautiful hike today up and around a nearby dam, and I found myself (as I do so often) in amazement of the beauty of nature. All of the details that went into its planning... the sunset's colors, the soft look of the clouds, the beauty in wild flowers, the forest, and all the trees it contains... and to imagine God is saying "I love you" to each of us through this wonder. It is all around us everyday like His arms wrapping us in a loving embrace, forever confirming the fact that He is God. I look back over the time that has passed since my bf passed over and it seems so strange that it can actually be quantified. I mean in a sense it has been such a blur and in another way it has made things so much clearer. It is like I do not know what is in store, but I complete trust in God for it all. So, I am not worrying about what lies around the corner. To be able to have that feeling is truly amazing, especially since I used to struggle with anxiety. God is awesome and can restore anything if we just hand it over to Him and let Him. He is more than willing. I've learned that He is more than enough for me. It's like He fills me up, and I never want that to end. I just pray He keeps filling me so it can overflow into other people's lives. I really want Him to use me, work through me to touch others. I don't care if it's words or actions or something I am not even aware of, but I just pray that he uses me for His will. There was an old man in the cemetary I had seen quite often. For some reason he had been on my mind during the week, and as I was thinking about him I asked God to help me know what to say to him. He would drive up slowly in his car, park beside what appeared to be his wife's grave, and get out of the car to sit by her grave. My heart hurt for him, and I found myself desirign to do anything I could to touch his life in some way. I was waiting for God to give me the words or actions. After all, I had never met him before and had no idea if he was friendly or if he wanted his privacy, ect. One day shortly after I had been thinking about him I was standing across the graveyard from where he was and I was praying about different things. I told God that I wanted Him to help me be brave in my faith and help me to hear His voice especially if He was calling me to go somewhere specific like on a mission trip or to a special school or place. Then, I said "even if it means you want me to walk across this graveyard to talk to this old man". Immediately after this I opened my eyes as I felt someone approaching me. Can you guess who it was? The old man from across the way! He was about 5 yards away and asking me if I wanted my privacy. I told him it was fine, and we introduced ourselves, and spoke about who we knew in the cemetary. He had lost his wife 18 months ago, and he mentioned that it was tough, looking for me to agree. I did, of course, and you could tell he found some comfort in that. He said he had seen me there before and that he usually says hi to anyone he sees nearby. I told him that I would definately stop over to talk with him when I see him again. I hope I didnt miss an opportunity to say something about how God is carrying me through this. I want more than anything for that man to experience the peace and love of being carried through a crisis by Jesus. I pray I get to talk again soon to that man who was such an obvious answer to prayer even if it was in a way I would not have imagined. I think God sends people into your life for a reason, and it is amazing to know that and just trust that you fulfill the purpose He intends for it all. Well, that's all of that story for now, but I will give any updates. lol
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