So, tonight I found myself reading in 1 Peter and some things blew me away. God's Word never ceases to amaze me... "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time." (1 Peter 1:3-5) In these verses alone there is such life-changing truth! From this we can see that God caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus for us to obtain an inheritance reserved in heaven for us. Our loving Heavenly Father has purposed for us to receive new life in Christ and He has reserved an inheritance in Heaven for us - an inheritance the Scripture says is "imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away." (1:4) What more could you or I ask for? Could an educational degree or a higher salary or a new car or even (dare I say) your most precious dream or goal ever even come close to comparing to this inheritance God has reserved for you and for me in Heaven? God promises us this and says it will not fade away. I don't know about you but I do not see many things here on earth that remain and do not fade away. Even our closest relationships with other people here on earth can be taken away in a moment's notice. Our best efforts to accomplish our greatest goal in life can fail. We can lose our job, lose our friends, lose our money, and even lose our sanity. Yet God remains. His love for you remains. His "living hope" remains. His "great mercy" remains. His inheritance - for those who put their trust in Jesus Christ- remains. Let us always remember this and walk with this in mind no matter what we face in this life on earth.
"Set your mind on the things above, not the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God." (Colossians 3:2-3)

God's Word contains many promises for His children. Today's sermon was a great reminder that with God's promise comes problems. In the beginning of the pages of Scripture we see God promising Abraham (then called "Abram") a son. Abraham tells God that since he has no son, one born in his household is his heir (Gen. 15:3). God then told Abraham " 'This man will not be your heir; but one who will come forth from your own body, he shall be your heir' " (3:4). God then does an amazing thing. He takes Abraham outside to look at the sky and see the multitudes of stars above telling Abraham his offspring shall be like these stars. God is asking him to dream. He is requesting Abraham to see the very promise of God as if it exists already- as the stars do. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Heb. 11:1). He is asking Abraham to trust Him and to obey Him. Previously God had also told Abraham to leave his country and go to a land God will show him (Gen 12:1-3).Again, God was requesting Abraham's trust and obedience. So, how did he respond? The Word says that Abraham went forth "as the Lord has spoken to him" (12:4).

What is God speaking to you about today? Or what has He promised you in the past that He desires to see come about in your lifetime? Have you given up hope? Take heart! Abraham faced many obstacles after receiving God's promise. He did not see in the physical realm how what God had promised could come to pass. He was told he would have his own son with Sarah, his wife, yet him and his wife were advanced in years. Could they really conceive at their ages? Also, Sarah had not had any children so far. Was she even able to have kids? A promised land... Well, then why was it inhabited? Abraham clearly had many questions and struggles. Many things in the physical realm, things he could tangibly see, seemed to be at odds with what God had said would be. Does this apply to you? Did God make a specific promise to you or do the promises found in His Word appear to be so contrary to what you see in your life or your job or your marriage or your schooling? Trust Him. He is eternally trustworthy. Obey Him. He desires every ounce of who you are and all the days of your life. This may seem like a pretty huge sacrifice to make. From what I can tell not one bit of it - no matter what the cost to go through it- will be wasted." 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for your welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope' " (Jer. 29:11). He has great things is store for you. Follow Abraham's example of trust and obedience and just wait to see what unfolds!

It's Christmas time! This year I am really about putting the "Christ" back into Christmas. I want to embrace that this time of year is a celebration of Jesus Christ's birth into the world. It is not about me, and it is not about presents or anyone else. I think that is so important to remember today. I have almost all of my shopping finished, and I am ready to relax and spend the holiday in a meaningful way this year. Family will be coming over on Christmas Eve to have dinner, exchange gifts, and hang out. I look forward to it. Tomorrow night is my work Christmas party for the group home I work in. This job and the opportunity I have had to get to know these girls who have various developmental disorders has been such a blessing to me. Their joy and their struggles encourage me and often times uplift me. I have been working on finishing my application essay for graduate schools tonight. I know it is nowhere near perfect, but I hope it works. I am sending the application packets off tomorrow. I know it will feel great to have that out of the way! I want to include the lyrics to this new song that really speaks of the gift God gives us through His Son - His grace which allows us to freely come to God anytime.

Only Grace
by Matthew West

There is no guilt here
There is no shame
No pointing fingers
There is no blame
What happened yesterday
has disappeared
The dirt has washed away
And now it's clear

There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy
And believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
There's nothing left now
There's only grace

You're starting over now
Under the sun
You're stepping forward now
A new life has begun
Your new life has begun

There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy
And believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
There's nothing left now
There's only grace

And if you should fall again
Get back up, get back up
Reach out and take my hand
Get back up, get back up
Get back up again
Get back up again

There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy
And believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
There's nothing left now
There's only grace

There's only mercy
And believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
There's nothing left now
There's only grace

So get back up, get back up again 

I am graduated from college on November 19th! Praise God. He alone got me here. He alone was my strength to complete my degree, and I pray He uses it for His glory. I am so excited about this time off from school I will have for a few months. I plan to begin graduate school in the Fall of 2006. I have many books I desire to read during this break, but most importantly I plan to spend a lot of my time in God's Word. A couple days after graduation I was up late one night and felt God calling me to read the entire Bible. So, I designed a reading plan to read the Bible in 6 months (not including the Minor Prophets). This past quarter in school I just completed a Biblical Prophets course in which we studied the Minor Prophets. It was great.
I find myself now wondering what to do with my time and at the same time how I can fit it all in. I've been sick for the past couple weeks. First, it started with cold and flu symptoms, and I went to the doctor a week later to find I had an ear infection. He put me on an antibiotic to treat the infection, but then as I finished taking the medicine I am now having a reaction to ending the medication much like a stomach flu. I have read that it's common after taking this specific antibiotic, but I may need to go back to the doctor if it continues in order to get treated. I God to get me through all of it. Reading His Word each day fills me with such hope and joy. I feel a contentment and a peace that's so wonderfully awesome.
I have started to read As Silver Refined by Kay Arthur which is an amazing book about learning to embrace life's disappointments. While emphasizing God's sovereignty the book teaches that our disappointments are His appointments. I am only through chapter 1 and find it inspiring. I desire to look at the trials in my life from God's perspective not from my perspective. God references many times in Scripture that He is refining us as silver. I think this analogy paints such a powerful picture of the process we go through as believers to become more like Christ. In Isaiah 48:10 we see that God tests us so as to refine us. He tests us in "the furnace of affliction". This process can be painful and it is all worth it. I believe that is the amazing part... that all the pain and trials we go through in life are all worth it if as a result we become more like Him, that He can see His reflection a little better in us.
A familar, beautiful song I love talks about choosing to listen to God's voice in all circumstances in life, especially in those circumstances that bring confusion, doubt, and fear. Sure, many voices are speaking to us, but are we listening to His?

Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

Chorus:
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

It's been a busy road to get me to the week before graduation... Our sermon series on Real Spiritual Power was absolutely awesome, and it is now over. Pastor Stan really touched on some powerful stuff about making sure we are aligned (Spirit, soul, and body - in that order) with his Holy Spirit. Then we discussed surrending all areas of our lives to God - I don't think I even need to (or could) say how powerful this was. It's really a matter of trust, and giving all your worries, fears, ect to God. They all belong to him anyway and Jesus Christ died on the cross in order for us to have life, and life more abundantly. All of our fears, sicknesses, problems were all conquered including death! All of this by God sending His only Son to die for us, something He had planned before the beginning of time. We later dealt with our words (what we speak to other people and to our selves). Proverbs 18:21 "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." The Bible also tells us in Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." The last week Pastor taught us about cleansing and not giving the devil a foothold in our lives (these can turn into strongholds in our lives). The awesome part of this is that we canbe confident that our strongholds can come down because of His Spirit living in us! Romans 8:37 "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." This is such incredible news, and I am just so thankful that God gives us the ability to not only get through our trials in life through His Spirit but also the ability to more than conquer. The truth of His Word really does give us such freedom and hope. "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32. Here the Word tells us that the truth (of Jesus Christ) sets us free. Recently I have been struggling with anxiety, and I know that the power I need to overcome this is within me - the Holy Spirit. I have been continuing to work n this and remember the truth of God's promises. I'll end with a wonderful Scripture verse I stumbled upon yesterday that brougt me such comfort. "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned or scorched, nor will the flame kindle upon you." Isaiah 43:2.

Sunday... my favorite day of the week. I volunteered in the nursery at church this morning, and had a blast. I love the kids, and they always end up being such a blessing to me. This morning was especially hectic and rewarding because we had so many children with two helpers (myself and another lady). For some kids it was there first time visiting our church, and we had 2 6-month-olds who were absolutely adorable. Both of them liked to be held, however, so it was a challenge to meet all of their needs. Thankfully we did end up receiving more help from a younger girl who had a desire to assist us with the little ones :) I just wanted to share some about my blessed morning. I arrived early awhile before service was scheduled to begin, and one little 1 1/2-year-old boy who I have known for awhile came running into the nursery holding a book that he seemed very proud of. I asked him what he brought in today, and I couldn't understand his answer so I asked him if he wanted me to read it to him. He quickly and excitedly answered "yes". As I grabbed the book I realized it was a Baby's Bible, and I began reading to the little boy about Adam and Eve. After I read about a new person he would repeat the names of those individuals when I prompted him to do so. When I got to the last page, however, and Jesus was introduced he immediately started shouting "Jesus! Jesus!" It was so awesome to see this little 1-year-boy so excited because he knew about Jesus. He had the biggest contagious smile as he pointed to the page with Jesus' picture on it. I know I am blessed to get the opportunity to help these children!
The Lord has really been speaking to me through a book I felt prompted to read this weekend. It is challenging me, humbling me, and teaching me about God's call for us to love the world. At the end of each chapter it asks me questions that you are supposed to answer before turning the page. These always hit home for me along with all the awesome stories of the many missionaries serving around the world. Many of these giving individuals are serving in dangerous, war-torn countries in which even basic medical care is essentially non-existent. They giving of their time, their resources, their lives, and mostly of their hearts to the millions of hurting people in our world today. Even so far in the book the many stories of these extraordinary missionaries and how God has called them to be His hands and feet have broken my heart. I am finding the reading of this book to be an emotional rollercoaster for me. It's as if God is taking each of the stories presented and speaking directly to me. I wanted to include an excert from Make A Difference: Responding to God's Call to Love the World that especially spoke to me. This scene takes place in Sarajevo, Bosnia where the author of this book, Melvin Cheatham meets a humble Bosnian neurosurgeon named Dr. Josip Jurisic...

"How can can he keep giving day after day?" I wondered. Then, a few days later, Dr. Josip amazed me with the answer. He reached in his wallet, took out a crinkled-up photograph ans said to me, 'This is me saying good-bye to my wife and small son as they were being evacuated from Sarajevo at the beginning of the war.' The photo showed Dr. Josip standing alongside the bus. His hand was on the outside of the bus window pressed against the outstretched hand of his young son on the inside of the bus, who in that moment wanted just one more time to touch his daddy. At that moment they were separated only by the thickness of the pane of glass, but it was a separation Dr. Josip realized might be for the rest of their lives. "My pregnant wife waved and my son waved and I waved,' he said. 'And that was it. The bus left. I watched until there was nothing left but a few whiffs of diesel exhaust, and they were gone. Then I went back inside the hospital and began caring for yet another patient, and another, then another.' Dr. Josip told me how after seeing his family safely sent away, he prayed God might protect his wife, small, son, and unborn baby, and then he said, 'My life is in Your hands. Please use me to care for the people who are being wounded in this terrible war.' I believe that as he looked into the eyes of his hurting patients, he saw the tears of his own wife and small son, and that prepared him to give his own life, if necesary, in order to bring help and hope to others. Out of his pain, Dr. Josip found a new compassion that says to another, 'I know what you're feeling. I know what it's like to hurt. By sharing what I have with you, God will turn my heartache into your blessing.' "
Immediately after reading this touching story I realized for real that God is calling me to use my story, my pain from Jeff's death in the same way. I love how in the story it states that after Dr. Josip watched his family being safely sent away, he prayed God would use him to help others. For me I know Jeff was safely taken away from this Earth in God's loving arms. God left me here on this Earth, however, for a reason - He still has much He desires for me to do here. I pray that God will give me the strength and the heart of Jesus to be able to fully live Dr. Josip's statement "By sharing what I have with you, God will turn my heartache into your blessing."

It's been quite awhile since I have written. Needless to say I have been busy in life. I am definately feeling the need to slow down and pay attention to the things that matter most in life. My last breath here on Earth could be tomorrow so I need to remember to live that way. I think of that and it brings up in me an ache for God. An ache to be with Him, closer to Him even now. Thanks to Jesus Christ's death on a cross people who believe in him will get to be with God for all eternity, dwelling in His Love, dancing with joy, and breathing deep of His unimaginable peace. I know that even when I stretch the depths of my imagination I still cannot grasp just what it will be like in Heaven. I do know I long to go there when my days here are up. I trust God that He has ordered my steps as His word says and ordained my days. On the topic of limited time here on Earth, have you thought about what you want to do with the rest of yours? Sure we have all thought about it, and thought about what we wanted to accomplish, where we wanted to travel or see, or who we wanted to be with or who we wanted to be like - but, have we really thought about what He desires for us to accomplish, the plans He wants us to fulfill, the places He wants us to travel, and who He wants us to be like? I know these are hard questions, and at the same time I know these are some of the most important questions we can ask ourselves. His plans for our lives are so much better than anything we could want for ourselves. A book I was reading today brought questions like these up to me today, and the author Melvin Cheatham asked me to answer these questions honestly to myself before turning the page:

~Do you want to make a difference by responding to God's call to love the world?
~Have I taken the time to be quiet and listen so I can hear God's voice?
~ How will I answer the question, "What have you done for Me, in the living of your life?"

That last question hit me hard. I know one day all of us will be in front of the Lord face to face and we must answer this question. What did I do for Him while I was on Earth? I thank God that as believers we do not need to worry about trying with our own might to explain away all our sin. No, by saying yes to Jesus we are allowing his blood to cover us too so that we are forgiven and permitted to dwell eternally in Heaven, a place we ourselves could not ever deserve on our own. We don't have to feel guilt, shame, or fear. With Jesus in our hearts we truly begin living. We were all created by Him and for Him alone, and when we live in this light we can truly feel complete. The truth of the matter is nothing else in this life can satisfy us except for the love of God. He made us that way! That we would find our purpose in Him. I am including this new song by Mercy Me, one of my favorite groups, which captures some of the very realizations that come when I find myself answering those questions mentioned above. The reality is that Jesus could come back to Earth at any time, my next breath could be my final breath. One thing is for sure - it will be in the blink of an eye. There will be no time to think about it, no time to change what I did or did not do here on Earth, no time to say "I am sorry" or "I love you", no further opportunity to ask for forgiveness or lead someone to Christ. The book of my life will be closed, and what can I tell God about what all the pages in between contained?

In the Blink of An Eye
by Mercy Me

You put me here for a reason
You have a mission for me
You knew my name and You called it
Long before I learned to breathe

Sometimes I feel disappointed
By the way I spend my time
How can I further Your kingdom
When I'm so wrapped up in mine

In a Blink of an eye that is when
I'll be closer to You than I've ever been
Time will fly, but until then
I'll embrace every moment I'm given
There's a reason I'm alive for a blink of an eye

And though I'm living a good life
Can my life be something great?
I have to answer the question
Before it's too late

Cause in a Blink of an eye that is when
I'll be closer to You than I've ever been
Time will fly, but until then
I'll embrace every moment I'm given
There's a reason I'm alive for a blink of an eye

If I give the very best of me
That becomes my legacy
So tell me what am I waiting for?
What am I waiting for?

In a Blink of an eye that is when
I'll be closer to You than I've ever been
Time will fly, but until then
I'll embrace every moment I'm given

In a Blink of an eye that is when
I'll be closer to You than I've ever been
Time will fly, but until then
I'll embrace every moment I'm given
There's a reason I'm alive for a blink of an eye

God has been doing such amazing things in my life, even or especially in the midst of this trial in my life. I feel such peace about Jeff, knowing that he has already made it to Heaven and that is a huge reason for rejoicing! I praise God for that! The Lord is helping me to see that the single most important thing in this life here on earth is getting your name written in the Book of Life. This book contains the names of those who accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior by admitting that we are sinners who can do nothing to redeem ourselves in the eyes of God except by accepting the sacrifice Jesus made for us by dying on a cross for our sins. At this moment our eternal destination is forever changed. Having been destined for eternity in Hell, by the blood of Jesus we are promised eternity in God's presence in Heaven. We cannot earn this. There is nothing we could ever do to get to Heaven on our own. It is only through accepting Jesus Christ as Lord of our lives.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ~ John 3:16
The Book of Life, then, is of upmost importance. In the last book of the Bible, we see that
If anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire. ~Revelation 20:15
There is no decision in life which is more critical than your decision about Jesus Christ. By not accepting him as Lord and Savior we are denying him. By asking for God's forgiveness for our sins and accepting Jesus and the death he suffered and died for us we inherit his glorious kingdom, the Kingdom of Heaven in which
However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" - but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. ~1Corinithians 2:9
It is by taking this beautiful leap of faith, and trusting in God who sent His only Son to die for you that you truly are given meaning and purpose and a never-ending love in which you will forever grow deeper in for all of eternity. Jesus brings the greatest hope of all into our hearts and into our lives by saving us and forever loving us, reconciling us with God the Father.
A great nugget of truth to ponder on:
Neither height not depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~ Romans 8:39

I came across this piece I wrote awhile back which was inspired during my quiet time with God. It came to me in the form of questions, so this is how I quickly wrote it...

Unworthiness- evermore reason why we need Jesus. None of us measure up, we can not measure up. Allow Jesus to save you, accept the sacrifice he made for you. I know you do not want to settle for something less than God's plan (that makes sense and is smart).
What if God's plan was forus to realize Him and see it is all about Him and purpose is given or found in us becoming more like Him?
What if no matter what or who the journey pairs us with or connects us to, it is suppossed to be realized or found by trusting in Him and becoming who He wants us to be?
What if this affects all other parts of our lives? (It would make sense, wouldn't it since accepting Jesus as Savior and believing in God changes our outlook on everything and really does change our lives)
What if everything else can only be made whole or complete in our lives when we are dedicated to becoming who He wants us to be?
What if it can only occur by understanding those things God has foremost called us to?
What if that is the reason Christian marriages in which both partners are believers sometimes still fail?
What if it is due to OURSELVES?
What if by us focusing on ourselves and our goals for the future (future career, future school, degree, or relationship) we bypass what God has for us in the here and now?
What if our purpose is already there, in front of us, left unrealized?
What if it is not a matter of a new job or a new mate that will lead us to our purpose?
What if it's simply our lack of understanding that keeps us blind to seeing the purpose that already surrounds us?
What if we will remain this way, praying and not realizing we already hold the answer?
What if instead of thinking something is not right so it must be the situation we stopped to think it may be ourselves? (What if it is us who is not right?)
Do we need to ask for forgiveness for blaming everything else but ourselves?
Do we find ourselves with many excuses for our behavior? (not truly apologizing)
What if God already provided all we need to experience our purpose in life and we keep ourselves blind to it and apart from it due to our failure to ask Him to forgive us of all our mistakes and to make us more like Him?
What if we keep asking "God, who is the person you want me to marry?" "God, where do you want me to live?" when all God wants to hear is "God, WHO do you want me to be?"
What if by us becoming more and more like this person He called us to be (more like Jesus) our eyes opened to the meaning surrounding us?


After running across that piece I wanted to put it on here. I think it's powerful. I am off to do more studying and hopefully get outside on this gorgeous day!

Time has remained a precious commodity right now. School is going well, and there is always studying, reading, and papers to write. Currently I am working on my paper on one of the Minor Prophets Books in the Old Testament, Zephaniah. It is a blessing to get to study scripture for school. In my research today I came across an article that examined the major themes of Zephaniah, and I appreciated that the author mentioned that we tend to not focus on books such as Zephaniah. It seems almost as if we somehow think these shorter books are less important than others. As an author he emphasized using each and every verse of Zephaniah as facts pertaining to the author's theology. This article made me stop and think about how I know I do at least tend to overlook some of the shorter books of scripture, more specifically, the Book of the 12 Minor Prophets. I do not believe these books are of less importance than other books of the Bible so I am not sure why my tendency remains to divert my focus elsewhere. I am going to try to learn more about these books in the future. (It does help that one of my classes now is Biblical Prophets and History):) My class at church on Monday nights is going great. We talk about challenging subjects, why we undergo suffering and trials in life. It has been amazing so far, and I can tell that I am not going to want it to end. It's a blessing to have the teacher I do, and I appreciate her willingness to invite the Holy Spirit to work through her in each class. Also, it's wonderful to hear others' experiences and what they have learned in life.
Last week we looked at the Thessalonians and how they suffered because they embraced the gospel. They did not try to run from their troubles, however. Instead, they trusted God and He alone enabled them to perservere. This Monday we took a closer look at Paul to discover why believers suffer and the what forms of suffering exist. We looked at Acts 9:15-16 But the Lord said to him, "Go, for he is a chosen instrument of Mine, to bear My name before the Gentiles and kings and the sons of Israel; for I will show him how much he must suffer for My name's sake." in order to see why Paul suffered. We deducted from this passage that Paul suffered for Christ's name's sake. We then looked at Acts 13:44-45, 49-50 and saw that the Jews responded to Paul's preaching of the Word of God by contradicting it and blaspheming. It seems you can expect to come against opposition and even suffering while trying to proclaim God's truth. 2 Timothy 3:10-12 was studied and we concluded that Paul had been dealing with persecutions and suffering that he endured. God rescued him out of them all. Timothy was following Paul's example. We can learn from Paul's example how to endure by remembering God's grace is sufficient for us, and that we should expect suffering. I love the next passage that we studied - 2 Corinthians 1:8-9 For we do not want you to be unaware, bretheren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond out strength, so that we despaired even of life; indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead." From this passage we saw that the purpose of this suffering was so that they would trust God NOT themselves. I think that is a powerful lesson, and we spoke of how worrying and being anxious about things in our lives is a form of not trusting God. I have heard this before, but wow. haha That's all I will say about that. I did learn, though, to be aware of ways I trust myself (and by doing so I am not trusting Him). Next, we read 2 Corinthians 4:7-11 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted but not foresaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that teh life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus may be manifested in our mortal flesh." They suffered in many ways, but they were not destroyed. This leads us to the conclusion they must have been trusting in God as their foundation. We are told that they are suffering in order for the life of Jesus to be revealed in our mortal flesh. God's role in all of this was to give them the power to overcome by the Holy Spirit. This Spirit which lives inside of believers in Christ is the same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead! We spoke about so much more in the study which I may add at a later time, but for now I will end on this joyous note.

I would normally be at Wednesday night service at church, but we did not have regular service tonight and I am finding myself getting to just sit and take a break. I think those are much needed. I have been reflecting on God's love and how He loves us too much to leave us where we are. It is so fulfilling that He wants us to continually grow in our relationship with Him. I find myself amazed at what God is doing in my life through His Word. I am about half way through my 180-day Bible tour (readings from the Bible that outlines all the main stories), and I know it cannot be put into words how much this has blessed me life and brought me closer to God. I find things reminding me of different Scripture verses, and the Holy Spirit bringing these verses to my mind has just been so powerful. In my Biblical Prophets and History class I am beginning to work on a paper about the Book of Zephaniah. In fact, I just made some copies at the campus library from some very helpful reference books. I am excited about writing the paper because I get to study God's Word and get course credit! How awesome is that? Sorry, lol I am just really thankful for the opportunity. I have been thinking and praying about my plans after I graduate in November. For the past year I have been assuming that I would apply to graduate schools for programs in clinical psychology, working towards getting licensed as a counselor. Well, God continues to change my plans for the future and I have been seriously considering going to graduate school foremost for a Master of Arts in Theology or Biblical Studies. From there I could go on for my Ph.D in Clinical Psychology. The Masters in Theology would enable me to get a firm foundation in the Bible before pursuing counseling. I desire to pursue God's will for my days here on Earth. I want to include another uplifiting song's lyrics which reminds me to live my life for an audience of one, God alone.

The Way I Was Made
by Chris Tomlin

Caught in the half-light, I�m caught alone
Waking up to the sunrise, and the radio
Feels like I'm tied up, what's holding me?
Juts praying today will be the day I go Free.

Chorus:
I want to live like there's no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one's around.
I want to sing like no one's listening.
Before I lay my body down

I want to give like I have plenty.
I want to love like I'm not afraid.
I want to be the man I was meant to be.
I want to be the way I was made.

Made in Your likeness, made in Your hands.
Made to discover who You are and who I am
All I've forgotten help me to find.
All that You've promised let it be in my life.

Wow, it has been busy. I haven't gotten a chance to write in here for a few days. My classes are taking a lot of my time right now, but it brings me joy knowing this is what God has for me right now in my life. I just returned home from my precepts class at church. It was uplifting, and we are discussing the role of suffering in people's lives. It is so amazing that God such purpose in our suffering. I will have to include things we talked about in the class in my next entry. As I am on the topic of suffering and trials that are placed in our lives, I must just again say that I truly praise God for giving me such strength and such joy these last few months. Since Jeff has moved to Heaven it has been and continues to be such a transformingly beautiful experience. I know this does seem strange to say because of course I did not want him to go nor am I denying the pain it has brought into my life. I mean to say that God bringing this loss into my life has done so much in the way of shaping me as a person. He continues to draw me closer to Him through all of this as I trust Him truly with my life. Giving your life completely over to Him is so freeing and fulfilling. I continue to be amazed at how much God loves me, how deep His love is for all of us. I will go ahead and say that it was said tonight in class that when God gives us trials or suffering we should consider it a compliment because it means He trusts us to perservere through it and all the while bring glory to His name. He intends for that, for us to trust Him all the way through the pain, and He trusts us to do that. I think that is so awesome. I wanted to include a song that plays on KLove, the radio station I listen to day and night, that has spoken to me over these last few months. It's beautiful.

Held
by Natalie Grant
Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.

Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred know our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

Bridge:
If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

Truthfully, it has been an emotional last few days. September 11th was Jeff's birthday, and I ended up getting together with a lot of his family to have a memorial ceremony type thing at his grave where we did a baloon launch (the balloons of course in Ohio State colors lol). It was a beautiful day, and just the night before at his grave I had been spending time there with God, hoping to just dedicate that time to God and anything He would want me to hear. As I was coming back around the cemetary at the end of my walk, God brought to my mind that Jeff's earthly birthday was September 11, but how much more awesome and important was his birthday into Heaven! It brought such joy to my soul to stop and think about that... I know to God and even to Jeff now how much more significance and love that day must possess. How wonderfully fulfilling to think upon that day for ourselves... the day when we will reach those Heavenly gates, when we will see God face to face, and live in his presence for all eternity, experiencing his love to the fullness in which he is. I can only imagine...
However, as it is written:
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" - but God has revealed it to us by His Spirit. ~ 1 Corinthians 2:9-10

God has just been more than truly amazing with the joy He gives me despite the situations and experiences I experience here in this life. I cannot even begin to describe or understand it except to say that it is only through Him and His Spirit that such a life, such a type of enduring joy could possibly exist in me, a soul that was broken, a heart that was so terribly aching. I really praise Him for that, and I cannot imagine what I would do without Him drawing me closer to Him each and every day. As He reveals His love to me I cannot help but be overwhelmed and to think that I do not deserve any of it at all. Recently I started a precepts class my church is offering called "Living Victoriously In Difficult Times". One of the main questions we will be studying is why God allows suffering, and we will look at stories of people who perservered in times of testing while gloryifying God in the midst of their pain. When I read the description of the course I just had to sign up for it! It sounded so perfect and appropriate for me at this time in my life. I really pray that I could bring glory to God in the midst of my pain. This past Monday was our first class, and I will share some of what we spoke about. First of all, the wonderful teacher let us know that she was not the teacher of the course but merely the facillitator for God. The Holy Spirit is our teacher, and she stressed that the Holy Spirit lives inside of each believer in Christ. We looked at 2 Corinthians 2:12 We have not received the spirit of this world but the spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. I was so excited when I read this because it served as a reminder that the Holy Spirit within us teaches us, reveals to us the things of God (the things He wants us to understand). I just think that is so awesome that He gave us His Spirit, His living Spirit living inside of us to accomplish these things. We also looked at John 14:26 But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. So, the Holy Spirit was also given so that it could remind us of what Jesus said to us. Also, I believe this verse is very significant in that it states that the Holy Spirit will "teach us all things". Wow, talk about a lifetime in which you never stop learning. There will surely be always something new and something more the Holy Spirit can teach us, and He desires to teach us all things.
So far in the class we have briefly discussed some reasons God allows suffering to occur. One of these is that He desires for us to be more like His Son Jesus Christ. We can see this in Romans 8:29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. Also Isaiah 48:10 says See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. God tests us and it is because He loves us and desires us to be more like His Son Jesus. The teacher of the course noted that if we did not go through suffering in life God could not bring us to a deeper understanding of Him and molding us all the while, transforming our hearts to be more and more like the heart of Jesus. As I was writing this, 2 Corinthians 12:9 came to my mind - My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" and later at the end of verse 10 For when I am weak, then I am strong. I read that and understand that now in a way I had never understood to the extent I do now. I know as I am weak the strength I have comes only from Him. He is there waiting lovingly to provide that strength to me each and every day.

School has started and actually the first week of class has flown by. It's Friday night, and I have been feeling under the weather. I went to bed tonight at 6pm after I had been feeling really ill during the entire day. I woke up, talked with my sister briefly, and decided to write. School is going well and I can tell this quarter is definately going to keep me busy. I expected that, though, with 20 credit hours. I'm taking Behavioural Neuroscience, Advanced Perception, Philosophy of Art, Cognitive Psychology, and Biblical Prophets and History. A couple of the courses seem pretty challenging, but I know I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I have been receiving mail (graduate applications and info) from graduate schools. I just finished reading the information from Biola University, and I just love so much about it. They truly seems to integrate theology and psychology, and the school appears to integrate biblical principles into counseling in a way that truly would teach me counsel the whole person. I just love how it mentions that as a student there I would be ministering within a clinical setting. From reading the material I just learned that I would be getting a minor in theology and biblical studies in addition to my master's and doctoral degrees in clinical psychology. The opportunities at this school just sound phenonmenal. I pray God will lead me to the school He has for me. I trust Him, and I know in life even when it seems like He couldn't possibly - God knows what He is doing.

Today's been a busy day, and I unfortunately until just a few moments ago I was feeling pretty overwhelmed. I think the combination of trying to study, finish my grad school deadlines notebook, sort clothes, and celebrate my sister's birthday party kinda filled up my time. I guess it can be like a snowball effect when there is so many tasks in front of you, and so all you can do is think of more to add to it. Thoughts were going through my mind about the multiple things I had intended to complete this summer so that I would have more time for the application process for graduate schools for Christian counseling. It just goes to show that your plans just might not be God's plans for your life... For example, I had intended to have been finished with my bachelors degree in August which would have allowed me to have a couple months or so to concentrate on studying for the tests I have to take to get into any school. After Jeff moved to Heaven, however, I could not attend my classes this summer. I knew that would not be doable so I dropped those courses, and I later signed up for Fall quarter. Even that is only through putting it all in God's hands and telling Him that He is where my strength comes from. He gives me enough each day, and I know He will remain faithful in the days to come. That is the only reason I signed up for Fall quarter. I know He will be right there continually filling me with His strength, with His love, and with His grace. God definately has something else in mind. So, anyways after feeling a bit overloaded earlier I just took a few moments to relax and clear my mind. I felt God bring to my mind that He has indeed been faithful thus far in my life, and especially with the current trial I am facing. He has been more than faithful, and it continues to do nothing short of amaze me each and every day of my life. I know that without Him I would be more than a total mess of a person, trying to deal with death separating Jeff and I on my own. I cannot imagine even trying to venture down that road. Praise Him that He has never left my side and even now He is carrying me through this. If He is willing and able to do this now in my life I rest assured imagining what He can do with my school situation. I have a heavy course load this quarter and many obligations, including impending graduate school application deadlines at the end of this year. I am confident that as I place ALL of that into His hands He will do far more than I could ever imagine...

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth
give away
and the mountains quake with their surging.
~Psalm 46:1-3

God is amazing. Just wanted to add in that we very well may be receiving a family into our home from New Orleans. Hurricane Katrina left so much destruction down there, and many of families are homeless. My Mom's church is taking a number of people into their gymnasium. We had been praying about how we can help, and it seems God is bringing the answer to our front door! I am excited, and although I do not know how this will exactly work (we have 5 kids plus my Mom and a cat living here) I know God will make a way. Any kind of shelter will be such a blessing for these people, and I know the funny part is that my Mom and I are just finishing the process of cleaning out all of our STUFF and were going to give it to my church's Compassion First Ministry. My Pastor had said that the summer clothes given would go down South to fill the need from the huricane, and the winter clothes would go to Romania. Now, however, we are keeping our clothes until we find out if the people who end up staying in our home would need them. I pray God uses our home and all of our resources to fill their needs. I know He is awesome, and I know He makes all things work together for good. I just wanted to add this exciting bit of info, and I'll close with an encouraging verse I just looked at...

Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. ~Matthew 6:33

Earlier today I read from my devotional, and today's discussed wanting it all. It opens with the question "Do you ever have times when your life seems out of control?" This could be due to feeling pressured for time and remaining so busy that you feel that you miss out on a certain quality of life because of it the author says. I was thinking of how true that is. I know I sometimes get so caught up in the numerous activities that take up my time when school is in session that I find it more difficult to put all of that aside to take a break from it all. There always seems to be more than enough that I still have left to accomplish. I have realized in the past that taking time for yourself is a neccessity... to be alone and pray or read or walk or work out, whatever it may be I know that time is essential. Otherwise I think the routines of the day can seriously absorb us. It feels as if we almost begin to lose our identity and we are merely going through the motions of life. I pray that every person would make the time to stop and deal with something that has been on their hearts, something that has been in the back of their mind over the last day or week or so. Just let God into that. He is always there, and He is always willing to hear us. I cannot even begin to imagine why this is the case, but He loves us more than we can ever fully know.
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. ~James 4:8

After reading this short lesson in the book today I loved the closing prayer. It went like this:

Lord, help me to remember to live not in my own strength, but by the power of Your Spirit living in me. Forgive me for the times I have forgotten to do that. Enable me to grow in the things of Your Kingdom so that I can becomea whole, properly functioning, contributing, productive child of Yours who moves forward in Your purpose for my life.

I think that's a wonderful prayer, and I thought to myself the last thing I want to do is just take up space on this Earth and not contribute anything to God during my time here on Earth. He placed a dream in each person's heart, and I want to hear His call in my life, to be ever working towards that purpose He has over my life. I'll end with the verse from today that I found to be so helpful and comforting.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

It's Friday and my little brother I got home not too long ago from visiting Jeff's grandmother in the nursing home she lives in a little over an hour from here. His great aunt who is very sweet also lives there, but, unfortunately, she was feeling very ill and could not visit with us. Jeff and I used to drive up to visit them and play games (they would play until I won a game which usually took awhile! lol). Anyways, we didn't squeeze any games into this evening, but she and I did get to do some talking. It's probably important to add that she is over 90 years old (92 to be exact I believe) and still intent on doing everything herself. We did some catching up on different things going on in the world and in life, and over dinner she had been speaking about dealing with the passing of Jeff when I mentioned to her that I could not make it through if it were not by the grace of God. His strength alone I emphasized to her is the only thing that gets me through. I would be hopeless and desparately lost here if it were not for Him alone... for the strength He provides me each and every day to do beyond what I could imagine was possible. The great part was that his grandma agreed with me. She said she does not know what she would do if she did not read God's Word daily. She relies on His truth to get her through also. We quickly spoke of how it would be such a different, dark situation going through all of this if we did not have Him. I love speaking with elderly individuals, and I enjoyed my time with her. They really do have a sense about them. They understand that the end of their lifetime on Earth is drawing near, and I love to hear believers talk about Heaven. Death is such a bright beginning even though from our view down on Earth we do not easily see it this way. I got to look at many pictures, and share my pictures of the beautiful ocean with her. She shared stories as we walked the sidewalks surrounding the home as the sun was setting. I know the situation with his family does not sound to be going very well, and I pray that God's hand of protection be upon their family and that His loving arms would hold them all tight, drawing them closer and closer to Him every day.
On another note I am keeping potential graduate schools in prayer. I am trying to orgainize most of the different school information before this quarter starts. We begin Fall quarter on September 6, and I know even though I will be busy with 20 credit hours that I can do it. Honestly, I am looking forward to it because completing this last quarter will show God's glory. It will show how awesome He is and that He is definately working wonders. That will make sense to anyone who understands that after losing someone you love so deeply the last instinct you have is to move on with your life. I mean naturally I did not have any energy to do this, and if it was dependent on my strength alone I could not be doing it. That's the amazing part of it all. I cannot really attempt to put that thought into words.
As my pastor is preaching a series about the biblical road to fincancial freedom he emphasized the importance of simplifying your life. I am really taking steps to do that, and it is so fulfilling and freeing. I have been sorting through my stuff, and to tell the truth I never knew I had this much. I had thought I had already gotten rid of so much of it, but there is SO much still there. It's like I felt bad for even having all of that, especially for having it all and not using it. I basically forgot I had a lot of the stuff I do. Pastor Stan also talked about thanking God for every little thing we have. I understand what he means because when you say "Thank You God for all of my stuff" it does not convey the same gratitude as it does when you say "Thank You God for my toothbrush, my soap, my pillow,...". I am sure many people who have gone through the devastation of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans and the surrounding areas would be very aware of this truth. They can now see and appreciate the little things we often take for granted here in America. Isn't it amazing that it is not just a coincidence that we have a hair brush, a toothbrush, a bar of soap? God blessed us with those things. Many others would love to have all of the things that I know I barely think twice about tossing into the shopping cart. I am realizing that it is not just by luck of the draw that I am on this end of the situation. I mean people are in need and I feel as though God is showing me who better to help than who He has poured out more than enough to?

I got my pics today from both the Gatlinburg, TN vacation with my work and the Virginia Beach, VA vacation. I thought I would post a few on here.
This is Jamie and I (a resident from the group home I work in) escaping the rain in an outdoor shopping center

Still in the rain... Amy, me, and Jamie
Me, Abby, Kelly (my manager), and Amy in the cabin

All of us at an Italian Resteraunt in Gatlinburg. My manager Kelly, Jamie, Amber, my co-worker, Abby, Beth, and Amy
Then, Virginia Beach! Apparently there is no cussing on the streets of Virginia Beach - here's me by one of the signs!
My sister Audrey on the beach...

View of beach from boardwalk
A walk on the boardwalk...
Picture of the beach
Me walking around VA Beach area at night
Pictures from watching the sunrise on the beach. God's artwork, pure beauty...






My sister and I on the beach one night

A song I wrote today....

Your Beauty

I was trying so hard
working toward the prize
Trying to accomplish the dream
I held inside

But then You came along
brightened my life
Opened up my eyes

Chorus:
To see Your beauty
To see Your light
To see what You did for me
To see it's so right
You are the truth
You are the life
It's so amazing
and oh so right

I was running to win the race
so concerned about
Avoiding second place
You were on the sidelines
waiting for me
To answer Your call
to give it all
To you...

Chorus:
To see Your beauty
To see Your light
To see what You did for me
To see it's so right
You are the truth
You are the life
It's so amazing
and oh so right

You came and found me
You were always there
Waiting for me
the most amazing thing...
Your life was for me and
It's all free....

Chorus:
To see Your beauty
To see Your light
To see what You did for me
To see it's so right
You are the truth
You are the life
It's so amazing
and oh so right